


Thank you.

by Mayoiguts



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, HiMERU being ooc and super sweet, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied poly relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kohaku being a baby, Mental Instability, Multi, Niki being adorable and cute, Self-Harm, Sleepy Cuddles, platonic feels nicer, rinne being an idiot and accidentally making you feel worse, you can think of it romantic between them all or platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:15:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29530416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayoiguts/pseuds/Mayoiguts
Summary: Crazy:B’s precious producer has an addiction. They want to help her and comfort her in any way they can.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic written for comfort and coping purposes. Crazy:B means so much to me. I’d like to warn you I am NOT a writer by any means, this is probably horribly grammatically incorrect and just bad. This is also my first fic on this website. I’m new to it and the site is a little hard for me to even maneuver so please bare with me. I am so sorry. By the way I am sorry it’s not gender neutral, I tried but like I said it is personal and was written for myself so I Couldn't help deciding to implement this. Another warning: 
> 
> This fic contains extreme mentions in great detail of self harm. The whole fic is about self harm. I would not read this if you are sensitive to this. I do not want to be the cause of anyone becoming upset and wanting to hurt themselves because of this fic. If you are struggling with any kind of thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life I want you to know that I love you so much. I know I am just a stranger over the internet. Typing this behind my phone screen may not seem like a very caring or true act but I absolutely mean this. Please contact me if you would like to chat. I hope to anyone who goes through similar things I do this fic can bring you some sort of comfort and sense of relating to someone else.

Tonight was one of those nights. You sighed so relieved as you felt the sting and the blood running down your forearm and onto the bathroom floor. What was this, the third time this week cutting now? Oh my god. It feels so good... it was on nights like this where your thoughts would get the best of you. When all goes wrong, and you feel like nothing will make it better, dragging a sharp object across your skin always does the trick.

Your point of view: 

I let out a pleased sigh as I watched the blood continue to rush down my arm. “Uh oh...” I whispered to myself “too deep...?” The cut I had just made was obviously gaping and I could see in it. I smiled to myself feeling quite high as I watched all of the white dermis become filled with blood until the blood began to drip. Not really to the fat quite yet but I could definitely see inside myself at least a little. 

I continued on my making cuts on my arm, at least 20 by now, however my mind wasn’t really focused on the cutting anymore, it had all wondered back to something else. I was thinking of the beloved unit I produced. Crazy:B.... Normally they acted as my only impulse-control to not do this to myself but sometimes I just couldn’t help it at all. I thought, ‘Jesus Christ, imagine if they found me like this again...they’ll leave me this time for a new and much better producer for sure.’

As if I’d spoken of the devil, I was snapped out of intense thought when I heard loud yelling by multiple people, and hands firm on both my shoulders. I was dozing off, physically unable to possibly recognize what was being said and who was crying so damn much. Had I really lost that much blood and was I really that exhausted..? All I can remember is being propped up and bandaged up as I drifted out of consciousness. 

I woke up wondering why I was lied on the large and soft bed in Niki’s apartment’s master bedroom by myself. That’s not where I last remember being right? It took me a minute..... but I finally was able to recollect what was going on and what happened. I can remember Rinne and Kohaku both panic stricken and cursing like sailors, Niki’s crying and cradling my face, and HiMERU with the terribly pained look on his face, bandaging me up so gently and carefully. 

I began to softly cry. I looked at my arms. I had old scars on top of old ones, bumpy and raised above the skin. I probably wouldn’t be able to wear a t-shirt in public for many years. Disgusting.... They were all bandaged up. Steri strips had been used on one cut and there were still a few cuts that showed through all the bandages. It was a messy bandage job indeed.... but truly... what did I do to deserve this treatment..? They could have just left me there. But they didn’t. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened by any means. The first time it happened Kohaku had found me in my room casually slicing my thigh. I had forgotten to lock the door. The second time was when I accidentally forgot to roll my sleeves down after doing dishes; when Niki walked in the first thing he saw was two day old cuts littered onto my wrists. 

It was truly an embarrassing feeling to me... but to them, I had no reason to be so embarrassed or scared to tell them anything at all. It was encouraged that I talk to any of them about it my habit of self harm so that it may not happen again. Each time some sort of incident would happen... no one ever got angry. I had expected them to tell me I’m interfering with their idol duties by now. I had expressed this. “Y/N-San, your well-being and your life itself is far more important than a fan meet and greet that can just be rescheduled.” HiMERU had said with a firm expression. HiMERU tended to be the more logical and almost strict in these situations, but in the best way possible. 

For at least the fifth time in the past hours, I was lost in thought and was snapped out by the feeling of a sudden dip in the bed and someone grabbing me tightly. It scared me, and I whimpered. Rinne, Niki, HiMERU and Kohaku all were now on the bed with me, and before anyone could say anything at all Niki dove straight at me with a hug.

“Y/N-channnnn!!! Oh Y/N-chan, we’re so glad you’re okay!!!” He sounded so happy but so concerned at the same time. You had caught Kohaku’s gaze and he smiled warmly at you. “Niki-Han, ya better be more gentle or ya might scare her again-“ Kohaku interjected, and Niki just whined and hugged you closer, gently swaying you side to side. You felt like a baby being lulled to sleep. Niki’s gentleness made you want to cry all over again from just how soft it made you feel. 

Next was Rinne’s turn to finally say something. He looked at you with a frown until letting out a sudden chuckle. Classic Rinne. He hardly had an idea of what to say, but he quickly stated, “Kyahaha! Y/N, ya really outdid yerself this time...” You glared at him guiltily for a split second until he stated again, “Ne, Y/N, do ya have any idea how worried ya made us?? Niki-kyun’s been cryin’ for hours ya know..”

Rinne probably didn’t realize it, but he tends to guilt trip you in situations like this.  
“Y/N-San... HiMERU thinks Amagi means well. He is just trying to express his concern- do you have any idea how much we love and care for you...? HiMERU thinks you should try to tell someone when you are feeling this way...” All 4 of the idols smiled softly right at you as they listened and agreed with HiMERU.

HiMERU continued, “You are our precious producer, Y/N.. I do not think you realize just how much we want you to feel better about yourself. HiMERU thinks you are too special to just leave or for something happen to you. Crazy:B may not exist now if it were not for you. HiMERU would like to express his gratitude and provide you with comfort. I believe you can heal from this.” HiMERU had tears in his eyes. 

Honestly, everyone in the room’s jaw pretty much dropped. HiMERU wasn’t the type to be so emotional as it may make him vulnerable as an idol. But it wasn’t just that... he dropped the third person..?? HiMERU has only done that once on accident, but something tells you that him doing it a second time was in no way a mistake. He really meant every word he said straight from his heart...

“HiMERU is right, Y/N-Han, we love ya so much. Thank ya kindly for everything...” Kohaku smiled solemnly and Rinne added in, “ All 4 of us just wanna see ya happy and not in pain like this. Mermeru is right, we could never thank ya enough for everything you’ve done for us individually and for Crazy:B itself. “ You broke down again and barely coherent, you choked out weakly, “I love you guys so much..”  
Niki smiled sadly. He hated so badly seeing you cry, but wanting to comfort you he rushed to hug you from behind, wrapping his arms around your waist. His chin was rested on your shoulder and he spoke, “shh.. don’t cry anymore Y/N! You’re okay now!.... We appreciate you so much... please don’t leave us..” Niki’s voice cracked. It was a pain to hear him speak so sadly. 

You hummed in response and sniffled a bit, though still embarrassed about the whole situation you instantly felt so much better just feeling so supported by them all. They all looked at them all and smiled. As if reading your mind, HiMERU said, “There is no reason to feel embarrassment Y/N-san... You don’t have to feel that way around us.” Rinne added in, “We’d rather ya tell us how you feel, no matter how bad it may be rather than us end up having to attend your funeral because you hurt yerself badly.” Kohaku nods his head to agree with Rinne and HiMERU and says, “If ya cant find something ta cheer ya up no matter how hard ya try.... come to me. I know of the best Japanese sweets that will make ya forget everything and get lost in the sweetness. Daifuku, dango, sakuramochi...” The list went on and on and you felt so warm and fuzzy at his thoughtfulness.

You thought to yourself thinking of what to say. “So... none of you are mad..? After all of the times you’ve had to deal with this, constantly telling me the same things yet I end up not even going through with them.. why have you all still stayed with me?” You were still a bit confused. HiMERU, the one who was doing pretty much all of the talking, preached for the third time that night how much all four of them love and care for you, and that you were far more important than their idol activities. 

The relief you felt after the confirmation that they were indeed not mad was great. The whole conversation had become small talk, with you having calmed down, even giggling with them when one of them would crack a cute or silly joke. At that point the bed was a whole cuddle pile and you were the center of attention. Niki was spooning you, his hand draped across you to hold your hand, Kohaku was squeezed in between you and HiMERU and Rinne was beside Niki. 

Before falling asleep HiMERU made you promise them you would try to talk to at least one of them whenever you ever felt this way again. You fell asleep right there to the sound of everyone’s quiet breathing and snoring. The last thing you could remember before finally falling into slumber was each of them kissing your cheek or forehead and all each saying, “I love you, Y/N.” Even HiMERU, once again dropping the third person. 

God, it was so peaceful.. I had never felt so loved in my life. Even through all of the dark thoughts and my worst moments, all four of them have always been here, dedicated and patient to help me feel better. I can remember them all thanking me. Honestly... I think I’m the one who should be thanking them and not the other way around.


End file.
